Who, on the Goddess's green earth, invented blind dates? Truly. In theory they are a fabulous idea: a friend who knows you, has another friend (of a friend of a friend oh I see how it goes wrong) she thinks you'll like. You meet. Behold! Butterflies, unicorns and heaps of hot s**.
The reality of a blind date is different, and I'm not socially inept (I think). You have to try and find common ground, things to talk about, you are sometimes nervous.... Ah heck, we've all been there.
A mate dared me one day to get myself back out there with a vengance and get myself a boyfriend within three months. A long-term boyfriend, not a f*** buddy. I'd been single for a few years and was starting to get completely fed up and paranoid as to why I hadn't been asked out, so I went for it: I put word out among friends. Find me someone, please. Someone to shag, someone to kiss, someone to hang out with, and let's see what happens.
Well, it didn't. It was months of mismatch after mismatch after mismatch. Late nights with people who were nice, but no spark. Bad restaurants with people who live in another city with no plans to move. People who weren't interested in me. I cracked the s**ts and I took my earlier words back: no more blind dates.
Some would call it putting their foot down, mum's saying was "slamming the bags". I slammed the bags. That's it. I decided I would find someone myself in the time-honoured tradition of getting wasted at a terrible bar, accidentally shagging someone, and occasionally you want to do it again often enough that you wake up boyfriend and girlfriend.
I found myself just a week later at another blind date. In a rather obviously ham-fisted attempt at discretion, one of my sneaky friends had found this hottie she thought would be a goer. In light of the slamming bags, she didn't tell either of her intended victims and set it up as group drinks at a pub. Except that it was really obvious when she was making room for him to sit in a crowded pub. Right next to me. Then gushing about how awesome he was, I was, and how right we'd be for each other. Subtlety is not one of her strong points.
I decided that "yep, I'd tap that". He was very cute, confident, clearly unaware he was being set up, and we chatted away happily. Spearks were flying. Then he got this look on his face. A wiggly uncertain frown, then a real frown, then a snort, then he got up and without another word moved his chair to another section of the group and proceeded to chat up someone at the bar.
A quick mental rolodex of the conversation led me to the conclusion that no, I hadn't said anything to offend, or so outrageously stupid that he relegated me to the realm of a one-cell organism. No harm & no fail, but it was weird.
It hit me a full two weeks later when I was driving the car and, out of nowhere, his face popped into my mind. And I had the exact same set of facial expressions roll over my own face.
We'd already been together. Ten years earlier, on a week-long trip to Mt Bulla, we picked each other up and had a one-night stand that could only be described as "not one of the best or most naturally free-flowing" sessions culminating in arguments over a hairdryer and insults thrown from both sides before he stormed off in a huff into the snow, with very wet (and soon to be icy) hair.
Lucky for him, he realised before I did, as I would have totally shagged him again.
Have you ever been on a blind date? How did it go?
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